In 1995, I was in an airplane hanger. It was dark, pitch black. In the distance stood a bank of computers. A pale dim light hung above it. Before that, a lone man with one hand in his front jeans pocket faced about 12 of us. Backlit by the faint light behind him, his face was in shadow.
What the … ? What is this … ? Where am I …? Am I being recruited by the CIA? Is Jason Bourne here?
No, as it turned out — no. Jason Bourne wasn’t there.
And this wasn’t even an airplane hanger. It was a dimly lit temporary building on a construction site on what would become a secondary campus for the Academy of Entertainment & Technology, now the Center for Media and Design, at Santa Monica College, SMC.
Whaaa..????
The silhouetted man told us Dreamworks and other movie studios were having trouble finding digital animators, so they were partnering with SMC to create them.
My summer Photography 101 instructor, Phil Moriarity, told us to come here for this landmark orientation of the first class of what would become one of the first digital animation programs in the world.
The man in shadow said, “You’ll be the first class of something, I don’t really know what, but if you’d like to learn more, step forward.”
Step forward, he said — into the light, out of the dark.
Literally.
Out of the dark, into the light.
Step forward.
Renowned Jungian psychologist Robert A. Johnson wrote about slender threads working in all our lives — thin wisps of destiny that float by in seemingly random moments prepared to whisk us off to a better life if we’d just grab hold.
My body lurched forward instantly; this was a no brainer.
But in that same motion, my brain kicked in. I overrode my impulse to step into the light. I broke my stride, cracked down hard on my front foot, and riveted both feet to the ground.
An onslaught of thoughts fomented:
I have too many political science credits, an acceptance letter to UCLA. I’m on a poli-sci track. What is digital animation, anyway? Are you going to be coloring for kids on a computer? Are you going to be a cartoonist now … ?
Wipe that smile off your face …Who do you think you are?…. Where do you come from … Who are you? … What do you wanna do with your life?’
Twisted Sister’s dad was in my head, screaming at usual volume. I froze, listening to the onslaught.
Ten seconds passed. Then, I turned and walked out — out of the makeshift building, back through the dark, back to the dark, to a life that was lifeless but calmed Twisted Sister’s dad down and the many voices in my head that sounded like him.
But that was 27 years ago.
Here’s what I’ve learned since:
Life is a long series of trials and errors, a series of failures, with the occasional success.
Movies — and some people — will tell you the fate of universes ride on your one perfect, precious decision.
It does not.
The cosmos will not collapse if you make a choice that ends up looking wrong.
You make a choice, assess the damage — and shift direction once again — for decades, for a lifetime.
Pivoting is a constant.
The fate of worlds is not hanging in the balance.
And another thing:
There are two accounts in life: money and time.
Money can always be replenished, at any time, with any amount — with any new venture, any new epiphany.
Time cannot.
There are no deposits in it.
Only withdrawals.
And our remaining balance, at any given time … is a secret.
So now, I study and practice photography under the greats: Sue Bryce, Pye Jirsa, Chris Weston, and Elyna S. Blair. (I count you among them, Phil Moriarty, Summer, 1995, Photography 101, SMC. I count you among them!)
And at the end of a photo shoot or study session, I have more energy than when I started — and every part of my life, every crevice, nook, and cranny is charging, ascending, moving towards the light.
My lifeless life is turning into high-voltage, 2000 lumens bright.
All this to say:
I bet you, too, have a part of your life you’re not reckoning with — a part you’re denying, overriding, negotiating with, reasoning your way out of.
To you, I say this:
Don’t do that.
That’s a mistake.
Instead,
Leave all cowardice behind.
Grab hold of that slender thread whenever it appears before you and barrel forward with all your bravest brave towards truth.
And if that journey involves a creative portrait photography session, then let’s do this!
Because life is dying for you to become who you truly are.
And so are you.
The hero’s journey is the epic tale of moving away from, and then coming home to, your truth.
Walk that journey with me.
